...you only serve Jell-O in the proper liturgical color for the season. ...you didn't know chow mein noodles were a Chinese food. ...when someone mentions red and green (in terms of Christmas), you immediately think of a battle over hymnals. ...during the entire service you hold your hymnal open but never look down at it. ...during communion you hum the hymns so you can see who's at church that Sunday. ...rather than introducing yourself to a visitor at church, you check their name out in the guestbook. ...you think Garrison Keillor's stories are totally factual. ...you have your wedding reception in the fellowship hall and feel guilty about not staying to help clean up.

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