For disappearing acts, it's hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work.

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.

Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush.

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.

Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it.

Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.

Abraham Lincoln     Albert Camus     Albert Einstein     Alexander Chase     Alfred Hitchcock     Alice Duer Miller     Ambrose Bierce     Anais Nin     Andre Gide     Ansel Adams     Antoine de Saint-Exupery     Aristotle     Arnold H. Glasow     Arthur C. Clarke     Augustine Birrell     Ben Hogan     Benjamin Disraeli     Benjamin Franklin     Bertrand Russell     Bette Davis     Bill Cosby     Bill Vaughan     Blaise Pascal     Bob Hope     Boethius     C. S. Lewis     Carl Sagan     Carl Sandburg     Charles de Gaulle     Colin Powell     Confucius     Dale Carnegie     Dan Quayle     Dave Barry     Don Marquis     Doug Larson     Dwight D. Eisenhower     E. B. White     Elbert Hubbard     Emo Philips     Erich Fromm     Erma Bombeck     Euripides     Francis Bacon     Frank Lloyd Wright     Fred Allen     Friedrich Nietzsche     George Bernard Shaw     George Burns     George S. Patton     George Santayana     Gertrude Stein     Gilbert K. Chesterton     Groucho Marx     H. L. Mencken     Harry S. Truman     Heinrich Heine     Helen Rowland     Henri Matisse     Henry A. Kissinger     Henry David Thoreau     Henry Ford     Henry Ward Beecher     Herbert Hoover     Honore de Balzac     Horace     Isaac Asimov     J. Paul Getty     Jean Cocteau     Johann Wolfgang von Goethe     John Dewey     John F. Kennedy     John Kenneth Galbraith     John Muir     John Perry Barlow     John Ruskin     John W. Gardner     Josh Billings     Kahlil Gibran     Laurence J. Peter     Lily Tomlin     Louis D. Brandeis     Lucius Annaeus Seneca     Lyndon B. Johnson     Marcus Tullius Cicero     Margaret Thatcher     Mark Twain     Marlene Dietrich     Martin Luther King, Jr.     Maya Angelou     Michael Jordan     Michel de Montaigne     Mignon McLaughlin     Mohandas Gandhi     Mother Teresa     Muhammad Ali     Napoleon Bonaparte     Oliver Wendell Holmes     Oscar Wilde     P. J. O'Rourke     Pablo Picasso     Paul Valery     Pedro Calderon de la Barca     Peter Drucker     Phil Jackson     Plato     R. Buckminster Fuller     Ralph Waldo Emerson     Richard M. Nixon     Rita Rudner     Robert Frost     Robert Orben     Roger Kahn     Ronald Reagan     Russell Baker     Saint Augustine     Salvador Dali     Samuel Butler     Samuel Goldwyn     Sandra Day O'Connor     Socrates     Steven Wright     Sydney J. Harris     T. S. Eliot     Thomas A. Edison     Thomas Carlyle     Thomas Fuller     Thomas Jefferson     Tim Berners-Lee     Victor Hugo     Vince Lombardi     Voltaire     W. C. Fields     W. H. Auden     W. Somerset Maugham     Walt Whitman     Will Rogers     William Butler Yeats     William Faulkner     William Gibson     William James     William Shakespeare     William Wordsworth     Winston Churchill     Woodrow Wilson     Woody Allen     Yogi Berra     

Airplane Jokes     Anger Jokes     Animal Jokes     Army Jokes     Baby Jokes     Bank Jokes     Bar Jokes     Baseball Jokes     Bible Jokes     Bill Clinton Jokes     Brunette Jokes     Business Jokes     Cat Jokes     Catholic Jokes     Chemistry Jokes     Chicken Jokes     Children Jokes     Chinese Jokes     Church Jokes     College Jokes     Computer Jokes     Cop Jokes     Courtroom Jokes     Cow Jokes     Cowboy Jokes     Criminal Jokes     Death Jokes     Deep Thoughts     Divorce Jokes     Doctor Jokes     Dog Jokes     Drinking Jokes     Driving Jokes     Drummer Jokes     Drunk Jokes     Dumb Laws     Elephant Jokes     Engineer Jokes     Farmer Jokes     Fat Jokes     Father Jokes     Fighting Jokes     Fishing Jokes     Food Jokes     Football Jokes     Ford Jokes     French Jokes     Funny Ads     Funny Answering Machine Messages     Funny Definitions     Funny Quizzes     German Jokes     God Jokes     Golf Jokes     Grandmother Jokes     Health Jokes     Heaven Jokes     Hillary Clinton Jokes     Horse Jokes     Housekeeping Jokes     Idiot Jokes     Indian Jokes     Insurance Jokes     Internet Jokes     Irish Jokes     Jesus Jokes     Jewish Jokes     Language Jokes     Lawyer Jokes     Life Jokes     Light Bulb Jokes     Lists     Little Johnny Jokes     Lutheran Jokes     Marriage Jokes     Math Jokes     Mathematics Jokes     Medical Jokes     Men Jokes     Microsoft Jokes     Military Jokes     Money Jokes     Mother     Mother Jokes     Music Jokes     News Jokes     Norwegian Jokes     Nursing Jokes     Old Age Jokes     Old People Jokes     Ole & Lena Jokes     One Liners     Osama Bin Laden Jokes     Parrot Jokes     Penguin Jokes     Pet Jokes     Philosophy Jokes     Pig Jokes     Police Jokes     Polish Jokes     Political Jokes     Preacher Jokes     Psychiatrist Jokes     Puns     Retirement Jokes     Santa Jokes     School Jokes     Science Jokes     Scottish Jokes     Shame Jokes     Shopping Jokes     Softball Jokes     Sports Jokes     Tax Jokes     Teacher Jokes     Technology Jokes     Teen Jokes     Telephone Jokes     Television Jokes     Texas Jokes     Thanksgiving Jokes     Train Jokes     Travel Jokes     Trombone Jokes     Viola Jokes     Violin Jokes     Waiter Jokes     Wedding Jokes     Women Jokes     Work Jokes