A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.

A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.

Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.

Historian: an unsuccessful novelist.

In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican.

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.

It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry.

Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

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